1147 days ago ~ Posted by Lindsay (#1) | Tags: obama boehner star wars

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Politics
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Ambassador Obama Announces Compromise With Emperor Palpatine


Alerdarn ambassador Barrack Obama announced today that he had secured a compromise with Emperor Palpaitne (R-CT). In a joint conference with the organge skinned Grand Moff Boehner Obama proudly hailed the key provisions of the compromise: "The galactic empire will be allowed to build a death star and we'll let them fly it within Alderan's orbit, but they promise not to fire it, and

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1148 days ago ~ Posted by ITG (#1) | Tags: olympics video games street fighter

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News
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Blanka Voted Brazil 2016 Olympic Mascot

Video game star Blanka was named the official Mascot of the Brazilian Olympics 2016. Blanka was an unlikely write in candidate for the position, but he won when a Brazillian people voted for him. Many suspect that he won because he's the only Brazillian of note, and because many thought Blanka was that one hot but really bitchy Mexican girl that looks like Jennifer Lopez and Jessica Beilr.

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1149 days ago ~ Posted by Lindsay (#1) | Tags: cornyn teh ghey doma

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Politics
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Cornyn: End of DOMA Will Lead To Marrying Turtles, Sexy, Sexy Turtles

GOP Senator John Cornyn (R - TX) warned that the "activist" statement by President Obama effectively ending the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) will lead to the human-turtle marriages. "We all know the only thing keeping all men straight, is Christ's teachings, and the only thing keeping man from marrying box turtles is the Law. With this activist ruling in California, it's only a matter of tim

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1151 days ago ~ Posted by ITG (#1) | Tags: metallica koch tea baggers

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Business
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Metallica To Play In Support Of WI Tea Baggers

In response to the impromptu concert by Rage Against the Machine's Tom Morello, Lars Ulrich of 80's hair band Metallica announced Metallica would be holding an impromptu concert on Saturday in support of TeaBaggers. Ulrich, repretledy was hired by Charles Koch, the founder of the TeaBagger movement, for $3M dollars to play the protest. Ulrich, speaking on condition tha

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1152 days ago ~ Posted by ITG (#1) | Tags: koch teabaggers wi

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Business
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Memorial Honoring Koch Brothers Planned for WI

A 12 foot high bronze stature of brothers Charles and David Koch "tea bagging" (performing a sex act) on a bald eagle is at the heart of a proposed monument to the two brothers. The monument, which will be placed on a 12" high pedestal will be inscribed on one side " The Koch Brothers: Founding Members of America's TeaBagger Club" and will have a plaque detailing the Koch Brother's accomplis

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1153 days ago ~ Posted by Lindsay (#1) | Tags: wi walker teachers

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Politics
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WI's Walker to Teachers: No Weekends Off

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker demanded the Republican majority Congress amend the state budget today such that "public Sector Employees should not have the weekend off". Walker, in a press conference outside the state capitol Monday declared "I live at my job, 24/7 I'm working- just like the congressman are. I'm a public sector employee- there is no reason Ms. Peaches, the Third Grade te

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1158 days ago ~ Posted by Lindsay (#1) | Tags: faa boeing

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News
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FAA: Plane Simply Lost the Will to Fly

President Obama’s appointee to head the FAA Dr. Joesph Wills declared that the tragic crash of Continental Flight 932 was not due to pilot error or a technical issue, but rather the plane tumbled out of the sky killing all 84 souls on board because the plane “simply lost the will to fly.” The doctor, who has no background in aviation, but graduated at the top of his Harvard Medical School c

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1164 days ago ~ Posted by cool_guy (#1) | Tags: boa wikileaks

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Business
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BOA CEO: Foreclose on Julian Assange

In a leaked memo, Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan concludes the obvious answer to WikiLeaks' impending release of damaging emails is to foreclose on WikiLeaks' founder's Jullian Assange's home. Assange, an Australian citizen, owns a 2br apartment in England's dodgy district. Moynihan's anger is palpable in the memo as he rails against fellow executives for suggesting that foreclosing on

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