The New England Patriots announced that they would be changing their mascot from a patriot to a 'Merican. The change, prompted by pressure from Mother Against Drunk Driving is intended to show our nations youth that you don't have to be brewing your own beer in order to be an American.
The familiar patriot will be replaced by that of Joe 'Merican. According to press packets Joe (who is loosely based on Joe the Plumber) is your average hard working man. He enjoys watching football, eating Lays(tm) brand potato crisps and drinking his favorite American beer Bud-light. Joe might not be the smartest guy in the room but he "shur's'hit" gonna be the loudest. Joe's duties as a mascot will not see much change; however, his on the field antics will now reflect Joe's new personality. Gone are the days when the mascot comes charging down the center line Joe will come out on his hover round and then grab a seat on his leather couch at the 50 yard line where he will cheer on the 'Mericans with all his might while he eats chips like a boss.
Tom Brady, when asked to comment on Joe said "I'm just gonna go out there, give it my all and score more touch downs than the other team."