In a surprising announcement Quinnipiac University's Leading GOP Candidates for 2012 poll indicate that one time dark horse Keith Stone, spokesperson for KeyStone Light Beer, is quickly pulling ahead of long time GOP favorites Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, and Mitt Romney. This is particularly astonishing considering that Mr Stone has not yet formally announced his intention to seek the position. Political Analyst Nate Silver of fivethirtyeight.com explains why Mr. Stone has long been considered a viable GOP candidate in a posting on his blog yesterday. "Stone is a well known brand that appeals to the anti-intellectual momentum that continues to grow in the GOP's voter base. He is unabashedly unclassy, looks like he hasn't showered in days, and is the candidate that most appeals to red staters' desire to have a leader they can have a beer with (the guy literally carries beer where ever he goes). In short- he's literally designed to be the ideal candidate for the GOP's voter base. And for their funding base- Mr stone literally owes his entire existence to a multi billion dollar foreign owned corporate conglomerate. Unlike the traditional favorites, Palin or Bachman Stone will only read statements approved by Senior Marketing experts. This is the first candidate corporate donors can be assured will back their positions and wont' have an "I can see Russia from My house moment". Let me reiterate Keith Stone is literally the only candidate the GOP has that has a chance against President Obama in 2012."
In a surprising move, Fox News has offered Mr Stone a nightly show tentatively called "Beer with Kieth Stone." The show, a stunning departure from the professorial style of Glenn Beck will be set on a mock patio and will have guests speaking about the political issues of the day over an ice cold KeyStone light or 12..
Stone, whom we found shirtless on the lawn of his Gadsen, AL ranch working on his 97 Ford Contour would only say "If Americans want me, I'll go down to DC and get - er- done." Asked about his top priorities Stone indicated he would prioritize Defense, the economy, teen sex education, and illegal immigration saying: "My priorities? Same's theys always been kicking ass, getting paid, getting laid, and getting rid of the got damned Mexicans." After the two questions, Stone cranked up Lynyrd Skynyrd's anthem Sweet Home (Alabama) indicating the he would take no more questions.
Stone- better than Trump, Palin, Bachman, Huckabee, , and Romney combined.